2015上海中考英语作文+范文i want to invent

Iwanttoinventaflyingcar

Itisnotuncommontomeettrafficproblemsandseriousairpollutioninbigcity.Itisamusttohaveaplantoimprovetheseriouscondition.

Igetanideatodesignmyownflyingmachinelikeacarwhichcandrivewellinthestreetaswellasflybetweenthehighrisestoavoidthetrafficjam.What’smore,whenitismoving,itcantransformthemotionenergyintoelectricitytodrivetheengine.Thus,itispossibletosavealotoffuelandreducetheairpollution.Itisofgreatusetosolvetheproblemsoftrafficjamandairpollution,andevensavethenaturalresource.

Brightideacanonlybeachievedwiththedeterminationandcourage.Ibelievemyideawillturnanewleafoffuturelife.——新东方优能中考英语左丽娜老师

精彩亮点分析：亮点一：高分短语

亮点二：itisamust活用高频词亮点三：定语从句描述自己设计的汽车亮点四：高分短语

亮点五：beofgreatuse名词结构更高端亮点六：被动语态，丰富句式

亮点七：turnanewleafoffuturelife翻开未来生活的新篇章-------------------------------------

范文2及点评：

Iwanttoinventatimemachine

Asastudentwhoisexperiencingunprecedentedmodernlifenowadays,Iwouldratherlearnaboutthehistoryandthefuturelifeofhumanbeingfromarealexperiencethanlearnfromatextbook.That’swhyifIcanworkasagreatinventor,inventingatimemachinewillbemyfirstchoice.ThemostimportantusageofmytimemachinewillbevisitingoneofbestschoolsinTangDynasty.Asweallknow,TangDynastyisfamousforitsopen-mindededucation.Therefore,whenIvisittheschooloftheancientcity,Icannotonlytrydifferentwaysofstudyingbutcommunicatewithpeoplefromdifferentcountriesaswell.Usingatimemachineisthemostvividwaytolearnhistoryasitisbotharecordofmankindandamirrorofpast,Iamlookingforwardtothedaywhenmytimemachinecomesout.——新东方优能中考英语郭娟老师

精彩亮点分析：

亮点一：定语从句修饰对学生现在的生活

亮点二：用wouldrather…than…表达学生的意愿亮点三：用if条件状语从句表达主题亮点四：befamousfor因…而著名

亮点五：notonly…but…aswell不但…而且…亮点六：用动名词词组做主语亮点七：用idiom突出历史的重要性亮点八：定语从句表达学生的期待

-----------------------------------范文3及点评：

IWantToInventAFamilyDoctorRobot

Iwanttoinventafamilydoctorrobot,whichcanbeusedtocuretheillnesswithoutgoingoutoftheirhome.AsfarasI’mconcerned,itwillbeextremelyhelpfulandusefulbecauseofthefollowingreasons:

First,youcanseethedoctorimmediatelyathomewhenyoufeelsickorgethurt.Itcansaveusalotoftime,especiallyinemergencysituations.

Furthermore,hospitalstodayarealwaysfilledwithpatients,noteveryonecanbetakengoodcareof.However,withthehelpofourrobotdoctors,youcantalktoyourpersonaldoctoronetoonewheneveryouwant.

Inshort,familydoctorrobotscanmakegreatcontributiontooursociety.

——新东方优能中考英语杨洋老师

精彩亮点分析：

亮点一：全文巧用“first,furthermore,inshort”等连接词，把家庭机器人医生的好处写的非常清晰，让阅卷老师一目了然。

亮点二：全文采用了定语从句、状语从句、并列句等多种长难句，为文采分增色不少。

亮点三：文中出现了“extremely,makecontributionto”这些超纲单词及词组，恰到好处地强调了家庭机器人医生的重要性，且为文采再次进行润色。

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